An archive.

I shall leave this blog as an archive.
And as a memory.
And from these memories i learnt a few things.
About myself and about my God

I was saved and elected by Christ
I persevered because of Him.
I was taught by Him.
It is necessary that I suffer for His sake.
I will accept His Lordship because there is no other Lord.
I'm still imperfect.

God is good.
God is sovereign.
God is enough.

With that, I want to start something new.

Currahee

Thought over so many things lately.

On the mountain i stand alone. When i fight, i fight alone. When i fall, i fall alone. When i die, i most probably die alone.

Sick and tired. And that's probably how i'm feeling now, every sense of it.

I don't think i can get up anymore.

Hélas

To drift with every passion till my soul

Is a stringed lute on which all winds can play,

Is it for this that I have given away

Mine ancient wisdom, and austere control?

Methinks my life is a twice-written scroll

Scrawled over on some boyish holiday

With idle songs for pipe and virelay,

Which do but mar the secret of the whole.

Surely there was a time I might have trod

The sunlit heights, and from life's dissonance

Struck one clear chord to reach the ears of God.

Is that time dead? lo! with a little rod

I did but touch the honey of romance

And must I lose a soul's inheritance?

-Oscar Wilde

This time.

And so, my life continues, to where i do not know. I tend to look too far at times. Though necessary at times. Maybe i'll post how i feel this time, i find it quite hard sometimes.

I think a lot. I have people telling me i think too much, but i rather think too much than think too little. So i guess that's a plus side and besides from the recent migraines i get from it, its not so bad.

And i wonder, if i wonder too much.

Enough of that, sometimes the concept of God is very intriguing. Okay, not sometimes. All the time. The fact that there is faith involved, you can always expect some doubt. If not, how would faith exist? The best part is that though there is doubt, when testing comes and you persevere with faith; God never fails you. Well, i am not going to make a sweeping statement, i know this because i experienced it. Ask me if you ever doubt. The very fact of my existence on this earth is evidence itself.

So, how many times must i break before i shatter?

None. For what is shattered cannot be broken. Or maybe not, i don't know, maybe you can break into even smaller pieces. But let's not be critical shall we?

Psalms 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

Something's wrong.

I think i am sick. Yes, i am. Just a bit unwell. Maybe more.
But its okay because God would make it good. Like He promised.

But someone has got to die. And yes, he will die. If not. Someone else would have to die.

1 peter 2:24
He Himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed.

I don't love love as much as i think i do.

If i act weird. Bear with it. (Or ignore me)
Thank you =)

I am sorry too =(

I want to fall in love with you again.

And so, he went to have lunch at a Japanese fast food chain. He bought his meal, sat down and quickly tucked in after a short prayer.
After a short while, a little girl appeared. She climbed on an adjacent chair and looked at him inquisitively, as if she was unsure if he was a threat.

He turned and saw her standing with the wall as a support, she looked just about 2 years old or even younger.
He thought to himself "Sometimes it takes small steps, to finally be warm from the inside out."

He smiled at her.

The little girl then returned a sweet and beautiful smile.

"It was worthwhile" he thought.

It was.

Today was a slow day, but i guess i spent it quite alright. But still i need to do more productive things. I don't want to waste my days away. I had lunch alone at Yoshinoya, continued packing my room(since last year) and trained with my friend.

I always wondered, even the most evil of all people started out as cute babies. Small little life forms with small hands and small feet. I am sure, such cute things weren't meant for things that are destructive. What went wrong? It led me to think, we were meant for more.

Most of our lives are just vicious cycles. Work, play, rest. Thats all? And all the unnecessary suffering? I tell myself a lot "There must be more than this"
If not, what for. I am not satisfied, its not enough. I believe that when life finally ends on earth it is meant to continue.

Till i meet my maker, i want to store my treasures in heaven and anticipate that day where i find true peace that earth cannot provide. A peace that will never be disturbed.
We were made for more, trust me. Life isn't just like that. There is more.

More in Jesus.

Run and don't look back.

"Splash.. splash.. Splash.. "

Every stride created a temporal cavity in the puddles below. All i could hear was the rain drops on me and everywhere else. And the sound of the thunder at every 3 seconds. It was close to music.

My windbreaker failed me, it didn't stop water like it did the last time. I felt the rain drops hitting my face and dripping down my fringe. I was soaked.

It felt good to run in a thunderstorm. It was different from riding my bicycle in a thunderstorm.
As i walked down the corridors home. I saw a shadow at the corner of my eye and i turned back.

I said. "In the name of Jesus leave me." Then i walked without turning back.

My Mum received me at door " Fun?"

It felt good.

Broke.

At the brink of destruction, one finds resolution.

I need 5 pieces to complete my puzzle, i only have 1.
Well done, cheerios.

I think i am stupidly smart or smartly stupid. Stupidly smart, i take this one.
Well, i don't really belong. Look at what they have done to this place.

I'm still a fish out of water.
Always.

Don't be so sad, we all have to die. At least once ;)

Regarding tomorrow.

I actually lost track of a lot of things, one of them is time. I was one day behind, i almost didn't go to school to collect my O level results. As I thought it was a Tuesday, i guess i'm wrong. (Thanks friends for reminding me) Now, i am quite pensive about my results. Not worried or nervous by the way.

I am thinking about the different outcomes after receiving my results. Not the cliche will i cry or will i laugh outcome. Or if i would still praise God? I guess i would, looking back that i sang praises to God in tears over the demise of my father. I am wondering about my destiny, i use destiny and not future because i think there is more in life then just a future. And i believe i have a destiny to live out. We all have, but its still a choice whether we want to follow or not. I think its the idea that most people have, that O levels would determine a big part of your life. That if you fail, you might be done for. I refuse to think like that and i refuse to conform. If my God says He has a destiny for me, a plan for me and that i will prosper then i would believe in it and put my life at it.

No fear.

A challenge to all those who believe in Jesus. No matter what happens, be able to praise Him and ultimately trust in Him.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And also to be able to forsake the things which are considered greater in the eyes of the world. What is right is not right at the wrong time.
Above all, seek the will of God.

James 5:15
Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

All the best for those taking their results tomorrow.

Just a carpenter?

Most of the time i spent in the week was to recover from my crash. Only till Sunday night did i notice how bad(in normal terms at least) my toes were. There was depression on my big toe, i think some flesh came off. I couldn't really feel my toes, mostly numbness. But its better now and i can walk slightly better instead of limping so much.

Oh well, i was sitting on my bed that night and thought about flesh wounds. I asked myself "Do u think u can take a stab from a knife somewhere in your body and still fight like a warrior?"

Then it came to me that Jesus the day He was crucified. Mine would be nothing in comparison. So much He has done, i cannot understand. Too good to be true, sometimes so hard to believe. Gods son would go through all that for men. This is what i call true love.

Mark 6:3
"Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.

My dear savior, if all these are true. And yes i do believe in you. Why did you decide to come down to earth. To lead an earthly life, ending it with so much pain? Just to save us, all for love? How can the king of heaven and earth, come down to walk the path of His creation. How Can He choose to go through, the daily duties as a son of earthly parents without a complaint. Working as a carpenter, doing chores and acting as if you weren't the son of God. (well at least on terms of how we think a king should act)

Ha, and i complain when i have to take out the trash.

All for love? A real tough one.



I didn't mean to type it out this way anyway. Ha.

Christmas.

Looks like another year of Christmas.

This year, i guess Christmas was not as special to me.
Its not the same as before anymore.
Just not the same.

Christmas is a time to remember the birth of Jesus.
Where we remember His first coming. While 25th December is not the actual date of His coming,
its a date marked out to remember the occasion.

Christmas is more than gifts and presents. Its about the gift of salvation, the free gift for the greatest purpose.

The coming of a saviour.

Remembering Him and thanking Him for His gift.
Always.




Merry Christmas Papa.